oh, take me back to the start
by Ren.2200
Summary: Jemma finds out Fitz is going out into the field, and needless to say, she's worried. What should have happened in The Things We Bury


Jemma wasn't entirely sure how to react when May told her that Fitz was going out into the field for the first time. She was happy that he was getting better that Coulson thought he could go out in the field, but she was also concerned (and maybe just a little worried) that something might happen to him or he won't be able to finish his part of the mission (although she has _full_maybe more like 89% confidence in him).

Jemma also wasn't entirely sure what to do between looking through paperwork with Hunter, Mack, and May and waiting for the rest of the team to get back to the Playground. She could finish up on those reports for Coulson, _but_ she just spent hours looking through piles and piles of paperwork, and she swears, if she even _looks_ at another file, she will go insane. She could catch up on Doctor Who (she heard that 12's season is _amazing_), but it feels wrong to watch it without Fitz. (And speaking of Fitz, is he okay? She hadn't heard from them in a couple of hours.)

No. Jemma has got to stop worrying about Fitz. He'll be fine. Coulson and Trip are there; they can take care of them…unless something happens to all of them. No, no, _no_. She _cannot_ think like that.

You know what? She's gonna make Fitz his favorite sandwich if _when_ he comes back. She's pretty sure that the pantry has everything to make a prosciutto and buffalo sandwich, plus she had made some of her pesto aioli earlier in the month, so there was still some left in the fridge.

So, Jemma busied herself for the next half hour searching through the pantry. She was able to find the prosciutto and bread no problem, but the buffalo mozzarella, on the other hand, was a hassle. She immediately went to the cheese section (because Billy loved organization and Jemma was thankful for that) and after a good couple minutes of searching for the cheese, she found it…only to find that it had expired over two months ago.

Jemma _needed _that buffalo mozzarella. It was pivotal to the sandwich; it tied the flavors all together into one _perfect_ sandwich. It wasn't _the_ sandwich without it. She had to try to get May to take her to the nearest supermarket to buy it.

Jemma immediately pulled May aside from their paperwork searching.

"Um, I was just wondering if I could possibly leave the Playground to go to a supermarket to buy some buffalo mozzarella." May opened her mouth, but Jemma immediately cut her off. "And I _know_ you're going to say it's a hazard with so few agents being left behind, but with all due respect, I'm pretty sure Bobbi can handle at least 15 guys on her own—if we were attacked, I mean, which we most likely won't—and this cheese is _really important_, so can I please go? It'll literally be for only ten minutes, at most."

Jemma stared at the older agent in silence for what seemed like hours, but what was probably ten seconds before May responded.

"I was just going to say that I was letting you go, only if I go with you. I cannot stand looking at paperwork for another minute."

Jemma felt a weight being lifted off her chest, and her face almost broke in two with a giant smile. She would have hugged May if she didn't know any better.

They immediately went into one of the cars they used for undercover missions (or simply known as one without the giant SHIELD logo painted on the side) without so much as a goodbye to Hunter, Bobbi, and Mack. They stopped at a small, family-owned grocery store in the middle of nowhere. As soon as May stopped the car, Jemma rushed out of the car, into the store, grabbed the first buffalo mozzarella package she saw, paid for it, and ran back into the car, all in under five minutes.

They hadn't been gone from the Playground for fifteen minutes by the time the car pulled back into the underground garage. Jemma was pretty sure she had said "thank you" to May at least fifty times. She wasn't entirely sure why May was letting her do this, but heck, she wasn't complaining.

After one last "thank you" to May, Jemma went to the Playground kitchen with all her ingredients to prepare the sandwich she had made so many times during her and Fitz's academy days. Those days when they pulled all-nighters in their dorms and Fitz would get hungry (when was he not hungry?) and Jemma would try to get him to eat something more substantial than junk food.

One day, she just grabbed a random meat and cheese out of her mini-fridge and some of her homemade pesto aioli she had made over the holidays and still had some left over, and she just shoved it on bread and fed it to Fitz.

She still remembers his face the moment he took his first bite. His expression went from utterly bored to shining like a Christmas tree in less than a second. He claimed that this was the best sandwich he had ever had in his life, ever. Jemma wasn't sure if she was hearing him correctly. _This_ sloppily put together sandwich was his favorite? She _had_ to try it. She took the sandwich out of his hand and took a bite.

And, you know what, it was _amazing_. She immediately wrote down what she had put on it on the back of one of their study outlines for an exam before handing the sandwich back to Fitz.

Once Jemma had finished making the sandwich—obviously more carefully prepared than the first time—she wrapped it up and decided to write a little note on it for Fitz.

_'__Fitz—I'm so glad you're getting better. Hope you enjoy the sandwich. –Jemma'_

She folded the note twice before taping it to the front of the wrap and putting his name on the outside of it.

Jemma went to Fitz's bunk and laid it carefully on his bed, his carefully written name facing outward. Jemma smiled.

Jemma was suddenly snapped out of her reverie when an alarm sounded throughout the Playground. That alarm was only used when injured were coming in. _Fitz_.

Jemma hurried to the control area where May was.

"Someone's coming in injured," May relayed to Jemma. She noticed that May didn't specify who it was. "We need you and a team to prep for possible surgery."

Before Jemma headed to her lab to prep, she asked May, "Is the…injured person able to walk?"

"Yes, but with some help," May responded immediately. With that, Jemma rushed to get prepared and tried to think positively.

She decided on the way there that she would be the one to help whoever was injured get to the med ward. She needed to know who was injured for her own sanity. She couldn't live with herself if Fitz was injured, or worse…_dying_. She couldn't even remember what the last thing she said to him was. She would never have gotten to explain how much she cares for their relationship, even if she was still confused on her feelings about it.

As the Bus landed, Jemma could feel her heartbeat pounding in her ears, anxiously waiting for the cargo hold to drop. When the familiar sound of gears turning hit her ears, Jemma's breath quickened and she didn't know if she should close her eyes or not. She decided against it.

Jemma flinched at the sound of the cargo bay hitting the ground with a thud. The first thing she saw was Coulson and Skye carrying Trip out. Jemma immediately felt bad for letting out a sigh of relief that Fitz wasn't the one hurt. As much as she loves Trip and feels absolutely terrible that he was hurt, she knew that it would have been a million times worse if Fitz was hurt.

She relieved Skye from carrying Trip and put his arm that was previously around Skye around Jemma's own shoulders, and her and Coulson carried him to the med ward.

Jemma patched Trip up quickly, because that's what she does, she patches people up. She can patch practically anything up except for the one thing she wants the most: her friendship with Fitz.

Jemma finishes up quickly and lets another doctor look over Trip as she leaves to go find Fitz. She needs to tell him how sorry she is and how she wants to talk again and how much she hated being away. She wants—no, needs—to tell him everything.

She walks into the corridor where the bunks are and practically collides with Fitz. They both take a step back to regain their balance, and the first thing Jemma notices is that he's holding the unopened sandwich.

"Sorry," they both say at the same time, and it feels so familiar and like nothing has changed, and it just tugs at Jemma's heartstrings.

But then reality hits her in the face. They both stop talking and look anywhere else but each other. Fitz, being brave, breaks the tension.

"I'm assuming that this is _the_ sandwich."

With those seven words, Jemma's eyes sting with tears. All she can do is nod, the tears threatening to fall, and the next thing she knows she's running at him, not caring that it's been awkward for the past month and that they aren't exactly on the most amicable terms. All she cares about is that she needs to touch him, to rip that tension that has been dangling over them in two, and make it seem like nothing has changed.

Jemma buried her face in his chest, pulling him in as close as she could. She needed this so bad. With everything that had been going on, from helping him in physical therapy to having to lie to go undercover with Hydra to coming back and everything being awkward like it had never been before, she had been under a lot of stress, and the only person who had always relieved her stress didn't even want to talk to her.

Jemma didn't even expect Fitz to hug her back. He was probably still mad at her for lying to him and had already replaced her with Mack and didn't want to see her again. Needless to say, she was very surprised when she felt his arms wrap around her back and his head rest on her shoulder, the tension in his muscles relaxing.

And that's when the waterworks started.

"I'm so, so sorry, Fitz," she choked out between sobs. "It could have been you today instead of Trip, and I don't know what I would have done with myself if you had gotten hurt or worse. I don't even remember what the last thing I said to you was before today, and I can't even imagine what I would have been like if something _had_ happened to you and what I'm trying to say is…I'm glad you're safe, and I just want us to talk again."

Fitz didn't reply at first, and since Jemma couldn't see what he was doing, she figured he didn't want to talk again. He probably hated her now, and this was all a waste of time.

She started to pull away from the hug, but Fitz just pulled her back in again.

"You don't know how much I missed this, Jemma," he finally said. He didn't need to say anything more.

When they finally pulled away and dried off their tears, Jemma said, "You know, I went through a lot of trouble just to find the buffalo mozzarella for this sandwich, so eat up."

Fitz smiled the smile he only reserved for Jemma as they started walking to his bunk.

"You know, when you made the sandwich for me the first time I went out in the field, I didn't eat it."


End file.
